Trying to move on
My dad died January 4, 2018. It was not unexpected. He fought valiantly and held on like there was nothing after life...like an overdue baby that is too big to be born. It's October already and I'm still trying to let myself mourn. My mom wouldn't let me mourn, and now I find myself stuck in a place where I can't let myself mourn, nor can I be around my mom because I have to hold so tightly to my tears. It feels a little like I have lost both parents, when all I want is to have my mom back... I'm struggling still. I want to reenter the world of the living, but I'm having trouble letting go of Dad. I wish I could just say, "Thanks, Dad, you did a great job, I'll see you on the other side." but I cant. He did a decent job. After a rough start, and a lot of head butting, in the end he said he was proud of me, even if I didn't do things his way. (I'd like to hear my mom say that.) So, he was a good dad in the sense ...